Brown Paper Packages

Rev. Peter A. Friedrichs

February 8, 2009

We used to read "The Paper Bag Princess" to our girls when they were little, and they loved it. It's a wonderful story of empowerment for young girls to hear. It doesn't matter if your hair is long and flowing, or whether it's been burned to a crisp. It doesn't matter whether you wear the grandest ball gowns or a paper sack. It doesn't matter whether you live in a castle or a cardboard box. It doesn't matter whether some boy thinks you're the prettiest girl in all the land or not. None of these things on the outside matter at all. You should never judge a book by the cover, or a gift by its wrapping. What matters is who you are on the inside, and what you do with that. As a parable, the message of this story is pretty clear.

But I've been wondering about Ronald. I wonder what ever happened to him? Elizabeth left him there in the dragon's cave. He was stunned by her reaction to him, when he said she didn't look like a real princess and she didn't back down to him. Do you think he was still standing there in shock when the dragon woke up and got his fiery breath back? Was Ronald eventually eaten up by the fierce dragon, paying the ultimate price for the way he treated Elizabeth? Or did he take off as soon as Elizabeth left, making his escape and heading back to his own kingdom? And if he did, what do you think his parents said to him? Do you think he told them the truth about what had happened? That he had been saved by the princess? Or do you think he made up a story about his own bravery, and how he had beaten the dragon in a fierce battle? Maybe he even told his parents that he had rescued Elizabeth and not the other way around.

Then I began to wonder whether Ronald had learned anything from this experience. Did Elizabeth's message get through to him? Listen again to what Elizabeth said to Ronald when he told her to go back home and get dressed like a "real princess." She said, "Ronald, I'm so happy I've gotten to know you. Your clothes are the finest silk and satin, and your hair is very neat. In fact, you're pretty as a picture. You look like a real prince, but you know what? You're actually a bum." What do you think about those words? Elizabeth was pretty sarcastic, wasn't she? And she even called Ronald names. I guess that's understandable, considering all she'd been through. Let's say she didn't use the best communication skills in that particular moment. But Ronald certainly understood, when Elizabeth stormed off, that she wasn't interested in marrying him anymore.

So, I want to know more about Ronald. I want to know more about what he was like when he was younger, and what happened to him after this misadventure with Elizabeth and the dragon. He seems like a pretty shallow guy, doesn't he? All he cares about is what the princess looks like. He wants to be sure that she's pretty. Does that make him a bad person? And what made him think that way? If I had to guess, Ronald grew up in a household and a society that sent him some pretty clear messages about how men and women should be and how they should behave. It sounds to me like he grew up in a culture where men were in power and they exercised that power over women (and probably over the poor and the people who had a different or darker skin color than they had). Ronald must have been taught that men were better and more important than women. That they were braver and smarter and generally superior in every way. He probably heard this from his father, and from his teachers, and from the knights in his father's court. He probably learned this from the television shows he watched and the music he listened to. He probably didn't know any better, and that's why he was stunned and shocked when Elizabeth slammed the door in his face.

Of course, that doesn't excuse Ronald from his behavior. But it might help to explain it. It might help us to be a bit more forgiving of Ronald, and to cut him some slack. Maybe even feel a little sympathy for him. And it might help us to explain why we aren't quite the enlightened individuals we hope to be. And it might help us in how we relate to each other. To offer each other a bit of forgiveness and understanding when we don't live up to each others' expectations. When we make a mistake. When we make an assumption about someone that turns out to be wrong. Or when we hurt someone's feelings or treat them in a way that isn't the most respectful.

I'm not saying that Elizabeth didn't have a right to be mad at Ronald, or that she shouldn't have decided, then and there, not to marry him. She needed to speak her truth, and to be heard as the strong, courageous and powerful person that she was. But I'd also like to think that whenever we speak our own truths we'll remember that we're not perfect ourselves, and that what we say will be heard much better when we speak from our hearts with understanding, compassion and love.

May it be so.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License.

Did this sermon bring forth any special feelings, thoughts or concerns that you would like to share? Consider this link as providing you with an opportunity to talk back.